5 Conversations Kelly and Toby Never Actually Had
by crackers4jenn
Summary: I think the title is kind of selfexplanatory, no?


**1.**

"Hi, Toby."

"Hey, Kelly."

"I had THE wildest night last night, oh my God, I'm so embarrassed. Can I talk to you about it?"

"We're not really suppos--"

"You'll never believe where I went last night--never ever, never! You couldn't even guess! I was at a _party_, Toby, seriously, a real live party, not like, Chili's, or Poor Richards, or some place gross like that, it was a realllllll party, and you know what? I was so awesome."

"That's..."

"I got my hair done _right_ after work, which took forever because it was like 6 o'clock, and the lady was like, _Oh my God, I wish you got here earlier and we had more time_, because, Toby, my hair was _so_ beyond repairable, why didn't you ever tell me how awful it looked?"

"Uh."

"But, oh! The party! There was the CUTEST guy there, I couldn't even believe it, and _he talked to me!_ AHHH! Isn't that SO awesome?! For like, 5 minutes, or whatever, but still, he totally came over and talked to me for exactly 5 minutes, and he likes--what does he like? Cars, and action movies, and pizza, and... everything boys like, pretty much, which is kind of a turn-off, you know? Because, eck, _cars_. What would we do on a date, go to a _car show_? Iwould die, Toby, I seriously would, I would just--fall over, right there, because cars are the most boring, plain, ugly, loud, disgusting things EVER."

"..."

"AAAAH! A party! I'm so happy, I've been thinking about it EVERY second since it happened, you know, like. Recollecting it, or whatever? Anyway, I just want to warn you that I'm probably gonna be a little, I don't know, is hyper the right word? I know, because usually I'm really quiet and I do all my work and I try not to talk too much, or too loud, because I don't want to be that annoying office slut, but, eeeee! a PARTY! I'm gonna be SO hyper and I'm SO happy that you're here, because we can talk about it and I can tell you EVERYTHING that everyone was wearing, oh my God! How awesome!"

"..."

"So, first, when I get there, I'm SO nervous, because I haven't been to a party in, I don't know, forever, like a million-billion years, and I know I look really cute because I was wearing that pink dress that I bought online at Delia's, you remember, I showed you the catalogue I first saw it in? And anyway, I had on these really, really pretty pink highheels to go with it, and--ahhh--I didn't even _know_ if I should wear a heel, or just go flat, and then I had an ENTIRE closet full of wedges to pick from. It was SUCH a dilemma, I swear, I've never had a more tense moment. But, LISTEN. I ended up with the heels, because I'm already so short as it is, so I figured at least I wasn't gonna be like some gigantic madwoman towering over all the hot guys, you know, I'd be about normal height, which just so happens to be perfect kissing height--oh my God, Toby, I didn't KISS anyone, you must think I'm such a slut, I'm NOT!"

"Listen, we really shouldn't be having this conversation--"

"...Alright, fine, okay."

"It's just. It's not really appropriate for the workplace, you know? And, to be honest, it's kind of emasculating."

"What is that? I don't know what that is. What is that?"

"It just means... shouldn't you be having these conversations with... Pam, maybe? Or Angela--"

"Angela?! Toby, she likes CATS."

"Okay. But she's still a..."

"A what?"

"Woman?"

"Yeah, who likes CATS."

"Yeah..."

"Wait. Toby. Are you saying... I can't talk to you? Like, ever? Not even when we're on a break or at lunch or in the parking lot or just passing by or--

"I'm just--"

"You don't want to be my friend? Is that what you're saying?"

"Not that exactly."

"When did this happen? Did Meredith say something to you? Because, I swear, I didn't know she was a _real_ redhead when I made that comment about--"

"No."

"Well, what is it? Was it Michael?"

"..."

"Pam? Dwight? Jim? Angela? It was Angela, wasn't it? Oh my God, I can't believe it was Angela. _Just_ because I told her that her skin looked really pale and maybe to moisturize it once in a while, and her hair was way too flat for our climate, and her clothes were a little out of style because, seriously, who wears cardigans except for Phyllis, and... I can't believe it was Angela. You know, she has always hated me. I _tried_ to be nice, I _wanted_ to pretend to be her friend, but then she said that since I'm not a Christian and I don't go to church I'm gonna burn with 'the rest of my kind', whatever that even means--"

"Forget it."

"What?"

"Nevermind. Of course you can talk to me, about--whatever--you like."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Thank GOD, because I didn't even get to tell you about the two boys I saw at the party who were KISSING, oh my godddd! BOYS KISSING. AHHH!"


End file.
